I am the single mother of a four-year-old daughter, and I live in my mother’s house…. Labor conditions in my country have kept me from getting a good job in spite of the fact that I am a professional…. What makes it more difficult is that I don’t have anyone to take care of my daughter, and day care centers are very expensive….
My daughter’s father helps a little when he feels like it. My mother helps, but only with my daughter’s expenses. My mother is living with another man and, even though they help me by giving me food, they always make me feel badly for not having a job and not contributing toward household expenses….
I feel despondent, with no hope and no desire to live…. I have even considered taking my daughter’s life and my own. I know it is wrong, but I feel so alone and desolate! … I even feel that God doesn’t exist and that He has left us all alone.
Your story is heart-breaking. We are very concerned that you feel badly enough to consider taking your life and the life of your daughter. Please make an appointment with a medical doctor and tell him or her about your suicidal thoughts. For your own safety, you need professional help right away.
We would like to suggest an option that you may not have considered with regard to your employment. While it is certainly true that you could make a better salary if you were to find a job in your profession, it is also true that you could do other kinds of work for less compensation. The option that makes the most sense is to work in a day care center where your own daughter could accompany you to work. Day care workers do not earn much, but it would be a good place to start working your way up. Your goal would be to save up enough money to pay for childcare when you got a better job.
It is very important that you set goals for yourself and determine to accomplish small steps toward your goals each day. Your hopelessness and despondency may come from the fact that you have stopped working toward any goals. You have convinced yourself that you have no options and that you are a victim of your circumstances.
If God has left you all alone as you say, then how can He not exist? Whether you accept it or not, He does exist. And whether you recognize it or not, He is always with you. But just like the rest of us, you have sin that separates you from God. Your sin keeps you from having a personal relationship with Him. However, if you ask Him to forgive your sins in the name of His Son Jesus Christ, He will. And He will give you the wisdom and strength to carry out His perfect plan for your life, just as He has done for us.
We wish you the best,